I am so proud of myself
Last week I attended the second module of a course that I follow to enhance my coaching skills. Part of the day was practicing your skills in break-out rooms. We learned some new coaching tools in the morning and it was time to apply them. Someone from the faculty was there to observe you as well. And if you are a bit like me, that can be a recipe for pressure. 'I better show off right now!' The session didn't went so well I felt stressed that day. My head was full with to do's and I wasn't really there. The fact that the course took two whole days made me feel tense. And I couldn't switch off that restlessness for some reason. So my practice coaching session wasn't really a good one. I didn't feel connected with my practice client and the session was a bit messy. There were some good bits, but it was not really fluent. I felt unsatisfied afterwards.The participants that observed the session felt that it could be better as well. So I received some reflections on how I can improve next time. My reaction So, ''What exactly are you proud of,'' you ask?;-) The part that I am proud of, is that it didn't upset me so much. Of course, I felt a bit disappointed in myself. And as a first reflex, I felt that panicky feeling coming up. I thought: 'Oh no, this is a disaster. My fellow participants think I am a terrible coach now. And the teacher also saw this. My goodness, minus points for me!' But. After a second or two other thoughts came up. I realized that this is part of the practicing. Just trying stuff out. There were some good elements, and some things that didn't work so well. Well, let's learn from that. And I also thought: 'This one not-so-fluent session doesn't mean that everyone thinks that I am totally rubbish.'
Calm The fact that I thought this, made me feel quite calm. I accepted that it was not a perfect experience. And that felt really good. That made me so happy and proud. Because one or two years ago, I would be devastated. I would feel so sad and angry with myself that I fucked up! I probably would be upset al day. I felt room for a choice What I noticed in this moment, was that the reflex of 'Ahhhhh I am a failure!' was still there. And that's alright. I don't think it is realistic to expect that gone. I was very happy that I could think something else apart from the negative things. I felt a choice. So yeah, that felt quite good! What about you? Where do you feel proud of today?!