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  • marlienligtenberg

How to feel more confident

I never believed compliments from colleagues.

I did well in my former jobs. But when I received a compliment, I simply didn't believe it. I was always focused on things I needed to do better. I never felt satisfied or proud.

As a result I was always restless and exhausted.

Because it was never good enough. The to-do list was always full. And after a day of work my brain was analyzing what needed improvement next time. I felt massive pressure and stress. And that was exhausting.

Compliments didn't make a difference.

Because I would only focus on that one comment about doing something better. I did not have a foundation to receive the compliments. It was like trying to grow seeds, but they bounced off on a concrete floor.

This shifted when I realized that it was not really fair.

When something was not perfect, it was all my fault. But successes were always someone else's achievement. That is quite unfair, right?

Now I acknowledge and celebrate achievements

When I achieve business or personal goals, I celebrate. I buy myself something nice. I cook a great meal. I plan a nice day out. Because just a mental note of: 'Ah well done!' is not enough. That is not enough to prepare the soil to grow seeds of confidence. You need to plow the soil deeper in order to grow roots. Celebrate!

And when my negative voice pops up I open my 'brag folder'

I am only human, so my negative voice is not gone. I have a 'brag folder' in my email inbox. Compliments from coaching clients and colleagues. I also have a notebook where I write down achievements. So when a moments of self-doubt pops up, I open this and build my confidence again.

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